


burning cold

by aenexs



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mentioned Keith (Voltron), Not Beta Read, au but not really, guys this is a mess, i wrote it in a psychotic breakdown idk what happened, probably oocs, soulmates but not really, this wasnt meant to be this but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23766328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aenexs/pseuds/aenexs
Summary: When the world means nothing and there's a crushing weight on your shoulders, on your chest. It's impossible to breathe and Lance just wants to be free again, he wants to be capable of being happy again."he wanted to walk more than twenty steps without collapsing into the floor, tired of dealing with his aching, burning heart that made it harder breathe and get to the end of the day; he tried to smile everyday forgetting about the longing sensation of emptiness in his heart"
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	burning cold

**Author's Note:**

> im,,, not sure of what actually happened here but !! enjoy !! i hope you like it mndmns

It was a cold night. A really, definitely cold night. The breeze sneaked through the open window, leaving a yearning sensation behind, letting out Lance's feelings; as the air emptied Lance's heart, the flat got... lonelier, darker. He walked towards the kitchen, pouring water into his cup. His heart ached, even after having done everything he could think of to stop that feeling: flirting with other people, going out with his friends, watching his favourite rom-com, but he couldn't run from the feeling of giving up. Keith would always be in his heart, even against his will.

One step. Two steps. Trying to count every time one of his feet positioned in front of the other, he couldn't make it to twenty. His knees failed him, bending as if they were carrying all the burdens in Lance's heart, and the only thing his eyes could see was his cup smashing against the cold floor. As the chips of the cup bestrewed the floor, he laid there, afraid that if he moved, that yearning sensation would eat him alive. Everything seemed so... useless. He was trying his best for everything: he wanted to walk more than twenty steps without collapsing into the floor, tired of dealing with his aching, burning heart that made it harder breathe and get to the end of the day; he tried to smile everyday forgetting about the longing sensation of emptiness in his heart, and more than anything, he was trying harder to not think about Keith.

  
He stood and walked to his balcony. Once he was outside, feeling the cold wind colliding with his cheeks making them redder than usual, he couldn't abstain himself of thinking about the last time he had seen Keith. If Lance had known that would be the last time he would ever see Keith, he's sure he would have done something more than just staring at his precious soulmate. Because, yes, Lance was sure that Keith had been his soulmate... even when it wasn't reciprocated. Who else could be his soulmate? Keith had a special way to connect with Lance, pushing him to his limits to become, always, a better person. They had been a team, for every situation they always were "Lance and Keith" or "Keith and Lance", but now that Keith was gone, Lance wasn't sure he could keep going.   
Sure, he had himself, but he wondered if that was enough. His hands started trembling at the sudden thought, but, was he enough? Ever? Had he been enough to Keith and his team?   
He stared at the obscure, almost gloomy sky. Wanting to blame the pollution, his eyes started to water at the thought of him not being enough to his soulmate. Leaving him with an uncontrollable sense of wanting more, and the more he thought he could never fulfil Keith's necessities the more he felt more like shit. 

"Maybe some things weren't as I remembered them" whispered Lance to himself, holding onto the hope that Keith had loved him, no matter how many time had passed or how many stupid things Lance had done. Biting his inner cheek, he let fat tears relieve the achiness in his eyes, wishing it could cleanse the crushing feeling of being suffocated by his own mistakes, hankering of feeling light again and forgetting all of this had occurred. Tear after tear rolled down his nose and cheeks non-stop until he gasped for air as if he was drowning. All he could think of was the hunger he had of feeling full again, feeling at ease; somehow crying made it all worse. Standing near the edge of the balcony, he held his face and screamed at the dim night, scratching his neck and his chest, desperate to stop the feeling of being torn open, craving to gain control over himself again.   
  
Slowly, he bent over himself, pulling his hair like that was what made him feel so useless and not worthy. He felt numb all over his body, and his heart was setting itself on fire just to turn off, making the poor boy's feelings ashes like he hadn't had enough.

Lance wiped his tears more roughly than necessary, scratching his face in the process. Then, he realised how alive he felt, hurting his skin not enough to bleed, but at least to feel other than hopelessness.   
His gaze focused on his fingers, the odd sensation of having that much control and power over someone made him feel stronger and more capable, almost like everything would be possible. He stood up and opened his arms to the night in a sudden burst of adrenaline; he was always sure that Keith would tell him he loved him again, even if it was the first time it would be vocalized. He  _ knew _ that but never thought it would be this way or this soon.

"Well, everyone says that love is unexpected," he thought, hyperventilating and excited to hold Keith's hand one more time tears of happiness entered to his mouth intertwining themselves with screams of excitement and nervousness as he let his body fell into the cold, claiming and devastating hug of the lonely night. 

* * *

The sun was shining brightly through the now-closed window, making Lance's vision blurry. He rolled in the bed, facing the space beside him.   
Sarcastically he cheered the weight on his shoulders, always making him company, as he stood up and walked towards the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, stoping his impulses of punching his face, which seemed so... gaunt and his eyes were nothing more than two drained holes in his face; it had become painful to look at his reflection, so he took off his shirt and covered the mirror with it. 

He returned to his bedroom once finished, sitting in the edge of the bed with his head between his hands. His heart was pulsing desperate to feel his lover nearby, so he bit his lips in an attempt to avoid crying, inhaling deeply. Someone knocked on his door, making him exhale in surprise.  
"I should get that", he said to himself as his mind wandered around, thinking of everything but not focusing on one thing long enough to breakdown. One by one, without a permit, Lance's mind started to make a list about things. Things he hated, things he hated about himself and how he was the only one to blame because of Keith's absence. Sleeping alone was worse than living alone, and his past-self was no more than an acquaintance; discouraging thoughts started to mix with fear, kicking the self-pitying away 'cause how could he deserve being pitied?   
The knock on the door was successfully ignored by Lance, who was now falling asleep with an almost peaceful expression.  
  


And Keith. Keith's laugh. Keith's smile. Keith holding Lance's hand. Keith. Keith. Keith was all over the place and he snapped his eyes open, he couldn't take it more. Lance calmed his breath, tranquilising himself to get out of bed for the second time in the day. The sun had set, leaving the flat in a week chilly gloom, but Lance didn't really care, so he walked as he could really see in the dark. He stopped near his balcony to open the window, shuddering after the cold.   
  
"It is a cold night. A really, definitely cold night", he thought to himself and he stared at the craving nothingness.

**Author's Note:**

> any thoughts or comments are always appreciated<3


End file.
